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crazyblondie2
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Name: Andrea
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Birthday: 4/20/1988
Interests: Dancing!!!, anything in a Theater, football (watching and playing), getting ice-cream with Joshy, and breakfasts in pjs with Rach :)
Expertise: Distracting Gindler during class hahaha.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  blndatheart0615
Member Since:
8/12/2004
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| I keep thinking of the cliche everything happens for a reason. I believe this is true but I also believe why don't understand the reason all the time. I know I certainly don't. It seems when everything is going good you think you're doing it and don't need any help and that's when you are smacked back into reality that the world is evil and people are evil and we need God's protection. Well here I am, humbled before You, I'm not in control, You are.
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| I haven't posted in over a year apparently...and wow is xanga totally different.
I made some life changing decisions tonight and broke up with my boyfriend of over two years. It hurts right now but I know it will be better, unfortunately I just got an email from his mom thanking me for some things which makes me feel like an even worse person. Way to go me... It's hard knowing that you have hurt someone. How do the jerks of the world function? They must be aliens or something.
Things in my life are going to be very different but a good different...I think.
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| Life is crazy, but this is college so i guess i shouldn't expect much less.
Things are indeed busy but tonight was nice. I've been putting off the revisions for my final project in Calc so if i didn't work on it tonight i was going to have to finish it all tomorrow. So when Kelsey asked if anyone wanted to go home i threw my number in the lottery. And contrary to my usually bad guessing skills i was the closest to her number and got to go home. I didn't even clock in, it was awesome. However i realize that this will make the paycheck slim, but whatever. I finished my project and even figured out what i'm going to say in my presentation! So i'm very very happy about that. But things were a little lonely. After over 3 hours of retyping and racking my brain i was done but then i didn't know what else to do. I miss home, alot. I'm trying my hardest to make this my home but i'm not being very successful. Part of my problem is i haven't found a church here or even given one a try. I just need to get the courage to go, because i really do want to find a church i guess i'm just being a pansy, as we would have said in grade school. But certainly that is not the only reason that columbia doesn't feel like home. But maybe i'm not supposed to be trying to make this home? I'm not sure. But maybe we just always want what we don't have. Girls with straight hair wish it was curly and vice versa. So i could be just trying to hard, or am i not trying hard enough? It doesn't help my roommate situation isn't spectacular. I mean these are two nice girls just kinda lazy and i'm used to things being very clean so this bothers me. Also not much of a pet person and they both have kittens which many times annoy me or surprisingly hurt me. But my roommates aren't actually mean and the most they've stolen is some mountain dew, which i can live with.
Which is what this all comes down to. I can live like this i'm just not happy though. Maybe i shouldn't have been so eager to leave home...
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| am i really happy here...i'm begining to think the answer is no
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| It's extremely heartbreaking to pour your time and love into someone and realize they don't care about you as much as you care for them. This has ultimately been the story of my life. It's awful to slowly see that some people you love so dearly are so very selfish and easily persuaded. Sometimes i convince myself i'm being selfish so i never say anything but there always comes the day when you realize hey i'm being pushed around. Which is ridiculous. No one deserves to be walked on. It's interesting (and slightly sickening) how the people that tend to take advantage are the same ones always telling you to stand up for yourself. I'm tired of crying, feeling scared and alone. I used to be very strong and never let things really get to me. Now it seems like there is so much to deal with that any little thing is the last that makes me fall apart. Suddenly i realize if i removed myself from something that continually is causing me to break it wouldn't happen...revolutionary right. I mean that is basically the reason i stopped going to my church's youth group then college sunday school, cuz being there would just depress me or upset me so much that i couldn't be there. So why do i put up with individuals who upset me? Because i think i need them is really the answer. But no one needs someone who is repeatedly a stressor. Sure any relationship is going to be flawed simply because we are humans. I have times when i'm on and off with friends cuz they blow me off or say something stupid and vice versa. Cuz we all can be inconsiderate. However i refuse to be a duck and let this stuff roll off of me....i've been doing that for far too long.
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